just had a bit of a cry :')

"we'll be laughing at each others silly little jokes and we'll be laughing about how we used to smoke, all those stupid little cigarettes and drink stupid wine cos it's what we needed to have a good time but it was fun, fun, fun when we were drinking and it was fun, fun, fun when we were drunk, it was fun, fun, fun when we were dancing, oh it was fun!"


i'm sat in room 12 at maggie b. my room.
the only thing left on the walls now are my two posters, florence and michael, i couldn't handle my walls being completely bare. loads of things are packed away now. eeeek.
no way has my first year of university come to an end.
NO WAY!!
i have loved every, single second of it, even the rubbish parts have been amazing. i have never cried so much, never laughed so much, never learnt so much, never drank so much, never partied so much...
i'm glad i worked my bum off during alevels. i'm glad i took the risk and came here. i'm glad i got taken off the waiting list for the new build. i'm glad i came to maggie b. i'm glad i got put on this corridor. i'm glad that i have met friends who have become my family, they are my soul mates :')
this year is turning out to be something so surreal, i would have never expected things to be going this way but i'm so happy they are, i have an incredible, supportive and slightly weird family and the most amazingly amazing, argh, just beyond amazing friends. i'm lucky. if anyone wants to attempt messing that up, just try it, i daaaare you!
to say it's been incredible is the biggest understatement ever!


BRING ON YEAR 2! HELLO 11 WIGAN ROAD!

"i could never see us ending like this."

why does the same shit keep happening, just with different people?

i thought that part of things was over and done?

i honestly thought i'd removed myself from it.

it's hilarious how rock bottom my confidence and trust has gone again. eurgh eurgh eurgh.

EURGH!!!!!

let me climb the living tree.

right, so that day to day thing failed miserably really. i don't like the restrictions that come with it, icccck.

quite a lot has been going on recently, all of which is rather odd and stuff and i'm not completely sure what i've posted on here, hm, i may have to go back over what i've done... oh, okay, i get it now. well basically, because all lectures and worthwhile/educational things are over for our first year, things have been pretty chilled here and have consisted of sleep, sleep, sleep, alcohol, alcohol, alcohol and for the past couple of days, sunbathing and lots and lots of sunshiiiine. it's been so insanely hot over the weekend, it's really nice cos all the good people from the other back halls have been out and stuff and it's not been too full on or anything, everyones just been chilling out together and stuff, hello slip and slide?! :')

anything else exciting? eurgh. bad, baaaad times, weirdness all round really. blah. apparently i've changed a lot aswell, more than one person has said this to me and it's just getting to a point now where i'm starting to doubt everything all over again and i've swore to myself that i'm not allowing myself to do that again. the way i see things, the whole world is changing, every second of every day, it's all changing, everyone all the time, is changing, me included. i would never dream of leaving anyone i care about behind though, i really wouldn't. i might be changing but i like to think that it's for the better, i'm learning to be comfortable in my own skin for real this time, no pretence or anything like that, it's far too much effort, i don't like it anymore. i don't like putting my all into something for it to get shattered, no thankyou.

i got my tattoo!! it looks kind of weird on that picture cos it was quite new and bumped up still but now it's healing properly and i'm a bit in love with it. my nana got the same thing on her shoulder blade and is really pleased with it aswell, eeeh! i've wanted it done for ages, since i passed my alevels and got into uni last year and i thought about it for so long and now it's done. it's kind of to symbolise my first year of uni being over and the fact that i've been so lucky along the way, to have had the experiences i've had and stuff, the fact that my nana has it adds to it more because she gives me nothing but luck and it's on my wrist to give me strength and stuff cos of the dgjfhgafdsfhg cos yeah, none of that crap. basically, i'm looking to myself for luck now, i think it's about time i did that. eeh! it hurt a bit, not as much as i thought it would though... i'm pretty sure i'll get another, i keep imagining having 'the dog days are over' on me and the more i think about it, the more i utterly adore the idea because i swear, i'm actually in love with florence and the machine, i have them at the big weekend playing as i type and i keep just coming out in goosebumps it's craaazy. i feel like i can relate to so many of her songs for so many reasons. iorgtjeshdiofhfhdfdf,nsekljdgtkjsfjzg. argh. i also like the infinity sign though but i'd want to properly design something like that myself. k i need to stop now!

if i met florence welch i would have to try to stop myself being sick on her...

i know that has nothing to do with the picture it just came into my head.

the picture has nothing to do with anything either.

(:

yes.

eurgh.

it's joke that i do this all the time :')
just lol at me really.
don't eeeeven care if i'm being over the top with this, to me it's a pretty big deal cos i never thought i'd never get that lack of respect. it'd be so different if it was the other way round. LOVE how you try to bring it back round aswell, seriously, been there, it's not about to happen again.
it's funny cos i honestly never thought it'd happen.

i don't care if i looks silly being extra large, i got a bit excited.

your heart beats like a subway train.

'Maria' was on in HMV the other day, thankyou for those lyrics Ms. Harry, thankyou, thankyou!! :D

this is SO nice.

"If you are going to fall in love with me, it’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with;


You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, my tendency to be too clingy. You fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.


You are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you, the way I’ll text you in the mornings just telling you I hope you have a great day. You’re falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people ask me about you. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite my thinking that it is impossible."

"isn't she lovely, isn't she wonderful?"

i had the most chilled day today, i loved it.

i was going to go and see my nana lyn but couldn't risk it because of my sore throat and stuff, it wouldn't have been worth giving her my germs and stuff. ick. i ended up getting up really late and just pottering around, i went to my nanas and grandads house at about three, had the nicest walk through the park, ipod playing, sun shiiiining, all the bad crap went away, it was immense, honestly thought today would have been loads worse but i've just thought about all the good stuff and yeah, it worked out pretty well. when i was at my nanas i watched this film on itv called baby boom, it was immense :')

<< i mean, just look at the picture, it's pure 80's :') so yeah, that was fun, had some food, a cake, cup of tea, good times. i sang 'we are siamese' to noel and he purred along then we did the circle of life thing then we chased a light, wowowowow. i had looooads of weird conversations with my nana about everything from my friends at uni to ice skating. found out something so amazing, she's seen the following people live - the hollies, the merseybeats, THE ROLLING STONES and STEVIE WONDER. how utterly amazing is that?! i was literally just sat asking question after question after question, just, in complete awe! aw, i can't even explain how much i love my nana you know, she really is my bestest bestest friend, sounds like such a weird cliché but it's really true :)

i still love you miss winehouse!

c'est la vie :))

Dear brain, sorry for overloading you with my mangled thoughts over the past few months,

Dear tummy, sorry that you've had to feel that horrible sick feeling one to many times,

Dear pillow, sorry about all the salty tears,

Dear heart, sorry for all the damage.



WHAT'S DONE IS DONE. 

I AM JUST AS STRONG AS THIS LOT, well, i'm not but i can be, i will be.

"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

i am allowing myself to get the crap out of the way before i actually go to sleep...

cannot be bothered with it dragging me down more than it has to.
pissing, celine.
i am in the middle of listening to 'love you more' and i'm annoying myself.
waste of emotions. waste of words. waste of a stamp.
eurgh.

^ LOL.

You gave me wings and made me fly,

You touched my hand, 

I could touch the sky,

I lost my faith,

You gave it back to me,

You said no star was out of reach,

You stood by me, I stood tall,

I had your love, I had it all,

I'm grateful for each day you gave me,

Maybe I don't know that much but I know this much is true,

I was blessed because I was loved by you.

MUSIC.

"I don't need love, for what good will love do me? Diamonds never lie to me, for when love's gone, they last on... Diamonds are forever" - Shirley Bassey.

I've come up with a beautiful way to splash about my bizarre and wonderfully weird music taste on this thing as i've come to realise that music is the way that I express myself most, i'm so influenced by lyrics and tones and stuff, they can instantly change my mood and by putting lyrics on here, it might help me get my moods across a bit easier. Making sense? Well I am to myself!

I've just decided that this post is all about music, nom! Last night we went to The Cavern Club in Liverpool to see Emily's brothers band play. The venue itself is incredible, so small and intimate and the atmosphere is so nice! The band, Inland Empire, are really, really good :) It was the second time i'd seen them because we saw the at the Ruby Lounge a few months back and yeah, they were really good so I guess I can add them onto the list of people i've seen :D I remember when I used to use dinner money towards gigs and concerts, it was so good! I miss going to them all the time, I would like to bring it back pleeeease...

In no particular order i've seen - Inland Empire x 2 (had to put them first though to be fair, considering I just wrote all that up there :P), The Killers, Celine Dion, Florence & The Machine x 2, Beyonce, Lady Gaga x 2, Alicia Keys, Destiny's Child, Paolo Nutini, David Gray, Kylie Minogue, Roisin Murphy, Elton John, Spice Girls x 2, Steps (Atomic Kitten and Daphne and Celeste were there aswell!!!), Stereophonics, Oasis x 2, Maximo Park, Jay Z, Kanye West x 2, The Strokes, Arctic Monkeys x 2, Kings of Leon, Kaiser Chiefs, The Subways x 3, Jack Penate, Stereophonics, Snow Patrol x 2, Dead 60's x 2, Temper Trap, Passion Pit, Metric, Fallout boy, Fatboy slim, Imogen Heap, N Dubz x 2, VV Brown, Kasabian x 2, Pendulum, The Enemy x 2, CSS, Justice, The Wombats, Vampire Weekend, La Roux, Lostprophets, James, Glasvegas, James Blunt, Jason Mraz, The Rifles, Twisted Wheel x 2, Chris Brown... 

There's quite a lot more cos of support people and people that I simple can't think of right now cos my head feels like it's about to explode. FUN! I have Whitney Houston in June and Mr Michael Beautiful Buble in October. Eeeek!

If there were no objections involved and I had to pick to go and see people that i'd never seen before (cos i'd love to see a lot of the above again!) then i'd LOVE to go and see - Tina Turner, Aretha Franklin, Alanis Morisette, Corinne Bailey Rae, John Legend, Morrissey, Take That, John Mayer, Blink 182, Amy Winehouse, Ellie Goulding, Mary J Blige and Tegan and Sara and that's just off the top of my head :))

If I had to pick just one person to go see again who i've already seen, just ONE, it'd HAVE to be Celineeeeeee. The woman is immense and i've loved her since I was like, 4 so yeah. 

I would like to go to this pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease -

oh shirley, babe!

Let me breathe 

Cause I'm drowning in your shadow 

Let me leave 

Respect me do not follow me believe 

I can make my own tomorrow 

Let me breathe 

Does it make 

You feel good cause you own me 

Does it take 

Your puppet strings to hold me 

How I ache 

As you're trying to control me 

Let me breathe 

Let me dance 'till my shoes cry 

Let me laugh let me be 

Let me dance 

Let me choose my life 

Let me climb the living tree 

Picture this 

When you wake up in the morning 

And I kiss 

Your sorry ass goodbye 

What will I miss 

There's nothing I can think of as I leave 

Let me dance 'till my shoes cry 

Let me laugh let me be 

Let me dance 

Let me choose my life 

Let me climb the living tree.

Day 04 - Your favourite book

The Time Traveler's Wife.

It's so much better than the film, so so much better. I literally went everywhere with this book, you'd find me just sat on the bus with my head buried in it. I'm usually quite a fast reader but it took me aaages to properly get into this but i'm so glad that I allowed myself to. Towards the end I like, gasped inwards and when I exhaled, I was howling with tears, it's beautiful.

"Don't you think it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?" 

"There is only one page left to write on. I will fill it with words of only one syllable. I love. I have loved. I will love." 

"It’s dark now and I am very tired. I love you, always. Time is nothing." 

"Why is love intensified by absence?" 

"But you make me happy. It's living up to being happy that's the difficult part." 

you look good enough to eat.

GAGA = LOVE.

i used to wonder what it would be like to be someone else, even if it was just for five minutes. i used to be pretty much obsessed with what peoples opinion of me was, i never let on that it was like that though and i didn't actually care what the opinion was, i just wanted to know. i wanted to be able to climb into someone elses body, feed off their mind and see what the perception of me was.

i'm not like that anymore and i blame this woman -

Day 03 — Your favourite television program.

I could no longer be bothered having the full list in my posts anymore :D

F.R.I.E.N.D.S = LOVE.

the greatest thing, you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.

Moulin Rouge is my absolute, all time favourite film, ever. 

I have got so much love for so many films, 500 days of Summer, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Juno, Uptown Girls, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Hangover, Dirty Dancing... It just goes on and on really but none of them come close to Moulin Rouge.

I first saw it in year 7 and was literally about to walk out of the cinema because it was boring me so much then it just went, like, incredible. I have seen it over 200 times and could watch it again and again. I love everything about it, the whole story, the love, the heartbreak, the music, the costumes, the set, the editing, the camera work, the director - baz luhrmann is a legend, nicole kidman - nom, ewan mcgregor - nom... Yeahhh, it's my favourite :D

Day 01 — Your favourite song

Day 02 — Your favourite movie

Day 03 — Your favourite television program
Day 04 — Your favourite book
Day 05 — Your favourite quote
Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 — A fictional book
Day 14 — A non-fictional book
Day 15 — A fanfic
Day 16 — A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 — An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 — A talent of yours
Day 20 — A hobby of yours
Day 21 — A recipe
Day 22 — A website
Day 23 — A YouTube video
Day 24 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 — Your day, in great detail
Day 26 — Your week, in great detail
Day 27 — This month, in great detail
Day 28 — This year, in great detail
Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — Whatever tickles your fancy

k thankssssssssss

she only reveals what she wants you to see.

I remember doing this on a rrreally old post and it was Cosmic Love by Florence and The Machine, turns out that song really does drag out every emotion possible, i'm sat listening to it now and it's making me feel really, really weird. 

I don't actually have one set song that is my absolute favourite, i'm one of those really annoying people who goes through phases of pure obsessions with songs but I know for certain that my favourite album is Lungs by Florence.

My favourite song at the minute is Fyfe Dangerfield's version of 'She's always a woman' it's on the new John Lewis advert and I love it so much, I watch it and I just want to go home and give my mum and nana a massive hug, ahaha!

Day 01 — Your favourite song
Day 02 — Your favourite movie

Day 03 — Your favourite television program
Day 04 — Your favourite book
Day 05 — Your favourite quote
Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 — A fictional book
Day 14 — A non-fictional book
Day 15 — A fanfic
Day 16 — A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 — An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 — A talent of yours
Day 20 — A hobby of yours
Day 21 — A recipe
Day 22 — A website
Day 23 — A YouTube video
Day 24 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 — Your day, in great detail
Day 26 — Your week, in great detail
Day 27 — This month, in great detail
Day 28 — This year, in great detail
Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — Whatever tickles your fancy

i have changed. i am changing...

i have come to the conclusion that i really am changing all the time and i'm kind of enjoying seeing what's staying the same and what's becoming different. it's like, one minute i'm so full of energy and i want to do so much then the next i just don't want to do anything, i guess that's pretty normal considering how crazed things have been over the past few months, the last few weeks in particular so yeah, i'm starting this again and i'm going to stick with it...

Day 01 — Your favourite song
Day 02 — Your favourite movie
Day 03 — Your favourite television program
Day 04 — Your favourite book
Day 05 — Your favourite quote
Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 — A fictional book
Day 14 — A non-fictional book
Day 15 — A fanfic
Day 16 — A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 — An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 — A talent of yours
Day 20 — A hobby of yours
Day 21 — A recipe
Day 22 — A website
Day 23 — A YouTube video
Day 24 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 — Your day, in great detail
Day 26 — Your week, in great detail
Day 27 — This month, in great detail
Day 28 — This year, in great detail
Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — Whatever tickles your fancy

later that day i got to thinking...

i love all the satc girls but i'm not bothered, carrie is my favourite.

LOVE.

How is it possible for one show to be so incredible? I mean, i'm probably just being such a girl by saying it but I don't care, I am completely obsessed and have been for ages, I know quite a few people who are the same and then some who are like, um, no, either way though, it all makes sense really... Not gonna lie, i've often found myself comparing my life with some of the things that get said on that programme...

"When things come too easy, we're suspect. Do they have to get complicated before we believe they're for real? We're raised to believe that the course of true love never runs smoothly. There always has to be obstacles in act two before you can live happily ever after in act three. But what happens if the obstacles aren't there? Does that mean something's missing? Do we need drama to make a relationship to make a relationship work?"


"I will never be the perfect woman with the perfect hair who can wear white and not spill on it."


"Maybe the past is like an anchor holding you back. Maybe you have to let go to become who you will be."


"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them."


"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."




I'm sorry but I really do believe that 9 out of 10 girls can relate to at least one of those quotes, christ on a bike, I know I can :')

ohmygosh, i take back what i just put on that last post...

how utterly amazing is that?! 

keep calm and carry on.

DO NOT get your hopes up.

i don't think i'm entitled to do that for quite a while, there's not much point when i've already mapped out how this is going to end up in my head.

clever tash, rrrreal clever.

i remembered how much i utterly adore the subways, i've seen them live quite a few times and i just love them...

especially how they are making things make sense right about now -

"I'll see you again, just tell me where you'll meet me. When i'm with you, it seems so easy, it seems so easy. My best days are with you, they are so easy."


yeah, i still love them :)

you turn me on with your electric feel

i realised before that i haven't wrote in my diary for quite a while, i know i'm pretty rubbish with this whole blog thing but with the diary malark, ooh, that's a whole different situation right there. i think that's because i know it's just me and my own thoughts, the very thought of that scares me slightly. i'm just going to stick to my random blogging amongst my starry fairylights and weird university giddiness.

i'm in one of those really weird moods today, the kind where you don't know how you feel, you know the one? well yeah, that's me today. it's almost 2am and i'm pretty awake, this is probably due to the fact that i have done pretty much nothing today, fun! lauren came to visit last night! you have to understand, this is a very, very exciting thing :) it was her first time come to the edge which meant it was her first time meeting all my girls together at once, again, you have to understand how exciting this is for me. i've known lauren since our first year of high school which means that in september i will have known her for eight years and i mean it when i say we have never once fell out and she hasn't changed at all, i love the girl! she's one of those people who you don't have to speak to 24/7 but when you get together absolutely nothing has changed, that and the fact that my family adores her is such a nice combo... 

this is what we got up to -

obviously there are loads more than them but i think that sums up me and lauren really, good times! it was really nice seeing how well she got on with everyone aswell, ahh, i do love my friends! the night consisted of a lot of alcohol being consumed, £2.99 champage called champs?! good god! dancing, drinking games, silly bar staff not being able to add up which meant we got very very cheap drinks, a stolen magpie, beer mat, surf board thing, builders signs... it just goes from that really, you get the jist!

BLOODY BRITAIN!

right, we're in hung parliament and it's an absolute piss take. that was quite a random outburst but i was thinking back to last night and i was getting really annoyed about the tories and i was saying that i was going to wear a black veil and carry a burning bunch of black roses if david cameron became our primeminister and yeah... so basically, britain is just silly. i voted lib dem. i did it because i wanted to. no other reason. aren't i good? to be honest, i think that each party is as daft as the next one and a lot of drastic action has to be taken if any kind of change is going to be made... LIONEL FOR PRIMEMINISTER - this is all getting a bit full on now...

hm, anything else going on?

lauren came to stay, britain is silly... that pretty much sums all of it up :')

i was in two minds about whether to go home tomorrow or not but i've decided against it, mainly due to money stuff and i think going back next weekend would be much better because 1) i'm not going to liverpool on the night out on saturday due to money times, 2) i want to get tattoo plans sorted properly and 3) just cos... not going to lie though, i'm excited alreadyyyy. 

i'm going to go and watch coronation street on good old itvplayer now, fun!

XXX

I've believed for some time now that everything happens for a reason, even the worst of things, the things that you'd rather block out and forget and just deny completely, even them things, they all happen for a reason, that's what I believe and like I said, I've believed that for a while now.

I don't know what the whole reason behind all of this is but I know it's going to be okay. I know I don't have to be so self involved now. I know it's okay to be scared and that's not through you anymore, that's through me and  me allowing myself to be taught that via you. That probably makes no sense whatsoever but that's the thing, to me, it makes perfect sense. It makes sense because of you but at the same time, not because of you at all.

It's nice to be proud of myself for a change, it's probably all going to go tits up, as it often does, whatever 'it' is but this is what it is now. I'm rambling, making no sense yet sounding utterly clear. That's it, i've finally cracked.

You know this is your biggest mistake, what a waste, what a waste, what a waste.

:)

i like being a fresher...